Hi dear Reader,

There’s an emotion that most people never name out loud - yet feel it often, mostly unconsciously.

An emotion that makes you want to disappear, hide, shrink into nothing.
An emotion so powerful that it shapes your relationships, sabotages your success, and keeps you from the life you truly want.

That emotion is shame.

And if you’ve ever felt like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you, like you’re not worthy of love, success, or belonging just as you are, then shame might be running your life without you realizing it.

Today, we’re going to bring shame into the light.
Because the only way to break free from it is to understand what it really is and what it’s trying to tell you.

Shame - the emotion that whispers, “The way I am, I am not lovable, accepted, or worthy.”

Shame isn’t about what you did.
It’s about who you think you are.

Guilt says, “I made a mistake.” Shame says, “I AM a mistake.”

That’s why shame is so devastating, and why it has such power over your life.
Shame doesn’t just make you feel bad. It actively sabotages your relationships, success, and health in ways you might not even recognize:

In Relationships (Business, Romantic, Friends, Family) You:

• Push people away before they can see the “real” you
• Don’t let anyone get too close because you’re terrified they’ll discover you’re “not enough”
• Tolerate mistreatment because you believe you don’t deserve better
• Perform, people-please, and exhaust yourself trying to earn love you think isn’t freely given

In Career/Success You:

• Experience imposter syndrome—convinced you’ll be “found out” as a fraud
• Undercharge for your work because you don’t believe you’re worthy of what you’re worth
• Do far more than necessary to “prove” your value
• Self-sabotage opportunities because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve them
• Stay small and invisible to avoid judgment

In Health You:

• Neglect self-care because you don’t believe you’re worthy of nurturing
• Punish your body through overwork, undereating, overeating, smoking or other harmful behaviour
• Experience chronic stress, tension, and physical symptoms because shame lives in the body
• Isolate when you’re struggling, cutting yourself off from support

Shame keeps you hiding, performing, and exhausted, convinced that if people truly knew you, they’d reject you.

Here’s something most people don’t know about shame:

Shame is often covering something deeper—grief.

Shame says: “There’s something wrong with me.”

But underneath, grief whispers: “I wasn’t loved the way I needed to be. I wasn’t accepted for who I am. I had to hide parts of myself to survive.”

You’re not grieving what you did. You’re grieving:
- The acceptance you didn’t receive
- The childhood where you had to perform to be loved
- The parts of yourself you learned to hide
- The unconditional love you deserved but didn’t get
- The safety to be yourself without fear

This is why people isolate when they feel shame.
Grief is an individual, private, and deeply painful process.
When shame surfaces, the instinct is to withdraw and process alone.

But here’s the paradox of us humans: shame thrives in isolation and dies in connection.

Shame, at its core, is about the parts of yourself you haven’t yet accepted.

This might be:
- Your emotions (you were told they were “too much”)
- Your needs (you learned they were inconvenient or burdensome)
- Your body (you’ve internalized messages that it’s not “strong”, "slim" or "pretty" enough)
- Your desires (you believe they’re selfish or wrong)
- Your past (you carry shame for things that happened TO you, not BY you)
- Your flaws and imperfections (you believe you must be perfect to be worthy)

The shame you carry is not evidence of your unworthiness.
It’s a symptom that somewhere along the way, you learned that parts of you were unacceptable, too bad to be seen, unworthy of love—and you internalized those lies.

You might have lived with these lies about yourself for decades, and they have driven or still drive behavior you're not proud of.
If you're carrying guilt or shame about your past, my blog post How to Forgive Yourself offers a compassionate, step-by-step path forward.

A Powerful Tool: How We Feel App

If you’re navigating shame or any complex emotions, I want to share a resource that can be helpful.

The How We Feel App, developed by Dr. Marc Brackett, is completely free and focused entirely on helping you understand and navigate your emotions.

This app will help you:
- Identify your emotions accurately (often what we think we’re feeling isn’t the full story)
- Spot emotional patterns over time (when does shame show up? What triggers it?)
- Access practical tools to regulate overwhelming emotions
- Understand what your emotions are telling you

I recommend it wholeheartedly. It’s free, science-based, and genuinely helpful.
​Download it here.​

If shame is keeping you small, hidden, lonely, and exhausted, if you’re tired of performing and ready to be seen as you truly are, let's talk.

As a trained emotions coach, I work with clients to:
- Identify the emotions you’re carrying and the message that they carry (unmet needs, crossed boundaries, misalignment with your values)
- Explore the hidden emotions underneath the shame (grief, anger, etc.)
- Accept and start loving the parts of yourself you’ve been hiding
- Rewrite the beliefs about your worth

​Book a free discovery call, and let’s explore how you can build a healthy relationship with all your emotions.

Heartfelt regards,
Kora

P.S. Shame loses its power when we stop hiding it. Millions of people carry shame they never speak about.
The first step to freedom is acknowledging it exists—and you’ve just taken that step by reading this far. I’m proud of you.